These are questions from a recent Q&A session with the excellent pre-med society at BYU-Idaho. We wanted to make sure each submitted question gets the attention it deserves.
Are you married and how hard is it to be married while going to medical school? How do you handle it?
Everyone’s personal situations are different going into graduate education.
My wife and I got married a year before medical school and it has required sacrifices on both of our parts, but I can honestly say neither of us would have changed a thing.
Before applying to medical school we talked about our future and what we hoped it would look like. We knew medical training would be a long path, but we both agreed it was something we could handle and it was where I felt I would be the happiest in a career.
The biggest thing I’ve learned through this process is to not lose track of your priorities. At the end of the day, faith and my family are the most important things to me and should come before anything else; however, this does not mean these things always occupy the majority of my time. In the grand scheme of things, medical training is short and it requires dedicated, deliberate efforts to make the most of it. This means that currently the majority of my time is spent in training and learning. Despite this, there are certain things you can do to keep your priorities straight.
1. Efficient use of time.
When time is short, you need to make the most of it. Planning each day and week out allows you to take care of the things that are most important.
2. Be 100% present.
Life can pull you in so many different directions. A crucial skill to learn is to be 100% present in everything you’re doing. If you planned to study for one hour, set aside ALL distractions for one hour. When you’re home at night with your spouse/family or you have time off, leave all else (including mental tasks) elsewhere. One hour of dedicated time with your family or significant other goes way farther than 5 hours “with them” when you’re multitasking.
3. Check in frequently.
Have open and honest communication with your spouse and family. This keeps you on track when your medical training takes you elsewhere.
Additionally…
Take your spouse’s needs into consideration. University of Washington is a 5-state program and so I was required to travel more than we anticipated while in medical school. This meant that we didn’t really establish roots anywhere and just as we were getting settled, we moved again. I can tell you now from being at Mayo where there are tons of young families that my wife has a lot more support. And life is much easier even though I’m busier.
At the end of the day, being married and having a family in medical school has been great. I can honestly say I would not be where I am without the support of my wife and family. It definitely takes sacrifices from all involved, but being married in medical training can be a huge blessing.
